Being served divorce papers is an emotional experience. Whether you were expecting it or caught off guard, taking the proper steps right away is crucial.
Preparation and an understanding of the legal process in California will be key to making informed decisions. Not understanding the divorce process can have consequences that will temporarily or permanently impact your life.
If you’ve recently been served divorce papers, here’s what you must do next.
Read Divorce Papers Carefully
The first step, no matter what else you do, is to review the divorce petition you’ve been served. This document outlines the terms and requests your spouse is making, a deadline for your response, and potential court dates. Read through it carefully.
Ignoring the papers or failing to respond promptly will not bode well for you. You can’t ignore or outrun a divorce. Refusing to respond by the deadline could result in your spouse receiving everything requested in the petition.
You will have the opportunity to make your requests or push back on the ones your spouse made during your proceedings.
Understand California’s Six-Month Waiting Period
Each state has different laws surrounding divorce. An important one in California is the six-month waiting period. This law requires the court to wait at least six months and one day after divorce papers have been served to finalize a divorce.
The waiting period ensures that both sides are able to negotiate or mediate, potentially reconcile, and be comfortable with their agreement before making it legally binding. This waiting period is in effect for every divorce, even collaborative ones.
You are still legally married during this time, meaning you cannot remarry or claim single status on legal documents.
Stay Calm and Take Action
Divorce is an emotional experience. Staying calm and making deliberate, thoughtful choices will help you establish a more secure future. Often, the actions we don’t take can be more important than the ones we do in this stage.
Actions to Avoid
Rash decisions can hurt your proceedings. Some things to NOT do are:
- Don’t move out of your house without consulting an attorney
- Don’t hide assets
- Don’t retaliate against your spouse
- Don’t defy temporary support or custody orders
Many of these actions can put you in contempt of court and potentially award your spouse with all assets and full custody. Others can signal to the court that you forfeit a claim on something you want, such as your house.
Smart Decisions to Make
It can be challenging to keep your head down and avoid confrontation. Sometimes, it feels like you are giving in and letting your spouse win. That isn’t the case at all. Focus on doing the following:
- Keep communication civil
- Focus on specific to-do items, such as gathering financial documents.
- Make a plan for your future
- Focus on your children’s well-being
- Come up with a co-parenting plan
You do not have to remain friends with your spouse, but you do have to be respectful in your interactions. This is especially important if you have children. If you have difficulty with this, remind yourself of the end goal and how having a level head will ultimately lead to a better outcome.
Understand Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders
When you are served divorce papers in California, Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs) immediately go into effect. These orders legally prevent spouses from making significant decisions that impact each other or their children.
Financial Decisions
An ATRO prohibits both spouses from selling, transferring, or getting rid of any marital property. It also doesn’t allow either party to make large purchases without telling the other person.
You also cannot change life insurance beneficiaries, create a new business without consulting your spouse, change healthcare providers, or do anything that will change the financial status quo of anyone in the family.
Parenting Decisions
Financial decisions are the most significant part of an ATRO, but there are custody elements of the restraining order as well. You cannot take children out of state without the other parent’s written consent during divorce proceedings.
Violating these restraining orders can have serious legal consequences, so be mindful of these restrictions.
Consult a California Divorce Attorney
Even if your divorce seems straightforward, consulting an attorney is highly recommended. Most consults are an hour and have a fee, but they are worth it for the knowledge and confidence you will gain.
An attorney can help you understand your legal rights and responsibilities during a consultation. They can also discuss property division, child custody, child and spousal support, and how to avoid common divorce mistakes.
A lawyer will also help you decide whether to retain their counsel, use a mediator, or self-file. Legal consults are a great way to get your heading no matter how you choose to respond to your divorce summons.
File Your Response on Time
In California, you have 30 days from the date you were served divorce papers to file your response. If you fail to respond, your spouse can request a default judgment, which means the court may grant their requested terms without your input.
Your response will take on one of three tones. You’ll either agree to the terms of the petition, contest certain aspects, or create a counter-petition with your own requests.
Filing correctly and on time is very important.
Gather Financial and Legal Documents
Even if they agree on asset division and support, every couple will need financial documents to complete their divorce. California law requires that partners do a preliminary financial disclosure, and most will make a final declaration of disclosure as well (though this one can be waived).
Financial documents help ensure that assets are divided fairly. They are also a piece of the puzzle in child and spousal support decisions.
Getting your documents in order sooner rather than later is best because they will be necessary at some point. Gather the following financial papers:
- Bank and credit card statements
- Two years of tax returns
- Two months of pay stubs
- Retirement accounts
- Investment portfolios
- Life insurance policies
- Asset Ownership: property deeds, mortgage statements, and car titles
- Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements
Having these records ready initially will help make your divorce proceedings smoother.
Consider Mediation
Not all divorces need to go to trial. Mediation is an excellent alternative to litigation. Mediation is often cheaper and less time-consuming than going to court.
A mediator can help both parties come to a fair agreement on all aspects of a divorce. They will guide you as you divide your assets, create a child custody agreement, and discuss spousal and child support.
Another positive of mediation is that even if you can’t fully settle, your time hasn’t been wasted. If you can resolve part of your divorce in mediation, you can finish what you started in court and still spend less time and money on litigation.
Settling outside of court can save time and allow for more control over the outcome.
Maintain Your Mental Health
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional one. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is as important as handling the legal aspects. You might think you can deal with the emotional fallout once your divorce is finalized, but that will only hurt more in the long run.
Professional Help
As soon as you are served divorce papers, brainstorm what you will need emotionally to get through this challenging period of your life. Many people will start seeing a therapist or join a divorce support group right away.
Build Your Support Network
You will also want to pull in close friends and family members who are not connected to your spouse, so you have support you can trust. You can still have relationships with mutual friends, but you won’t want to put them in the middle during your divorce. Rely on your personal friends and side of the family for support at this time.
Hobbies and Self-care
You will probably have more free time once you are separated. This can give you more time to get stuck in your negative emotions. Be proactive about spending time on hobbies or finding new ones. Find enjoyable ways to de-stress and fill your time.
Ignoring your mental health can make the process even more complicated, so prioritize self-care during this time. This will often take the form of meditating, journaling, or working out.
Children
If you have children, they will struggle emotionally during your divorce. They will also need professional help or new hobbies as a distraction. Be open with them and provide a listening ear, even if they don’t take you up on it.
It’s Time to Prepare
Being served divorce papers can feel overwhelming, but you are not alone. Sometimes, knowing where to start can be the hardest part. Take a deep breath, schedule a consult with an attorney, and start working on the other steps in this article.
Remember, divorce is not just an ending—it’s also a new beginning. By taking these steps, you can move forward with clarity, confidence, and the support you need to build a new future.
